“Marriage is not just about love and living together. It is much more complicated, especially when you are going to be making a family.” –Laura Schlessinger
Modern couples are often warned against living together before receiving the sacrament of marriage.
However, this rather archaic belief (and old-fashioned advice) that suggests couples should avoid living in sin with their significant other has been somewhat diminished by the way most people in a relationship behave nowadays. After all, if we were not so intent on holding on to antiquated notions, we would see how living together prior to marriage can actually be very beneficial to couples. In a way, it gives you an insight of what your partner really is like before you tie the knot and would ultimately help you determine whether the both of you would make a good match. Despite what statistics might suggest, there are some merits to living together without the benefit of marriage. So, if you have been thinking of moving in with your significant other—whether in a home in Kasara Urban Resort Residences or elsewhere—here are some of the most convincing reasons why it might be a good idea:
It gives you the full idea of what you are signing up for
When you are in a relationship, you tend to put your best foot forward in order to impress your significant other. However, when we are at home, we tend to be in our own element, let our hair down and get comfortable. More often than not, we may often have habits that our significant other might not approve of and they might have quirks which would grate on our nerves. These are all things you would not notice if you only saw each other outside of the home and casually dated. When you are living together, you would see the person for who they really are—quirks and all. In this regard, you would be able to decide whether the both of you would be a good fit or not. After all, those cute little habits might not be that cute to you after all. Best you find out now when you have not officially tied the knot yet then when the both of you are already married.
Divorce is expensive
Domestic issues are often deal breakers when it comes to marriages. Unfortunately, you would not have an idea of what these are until you have lived with a person under one roof. More often than not, they do not come to light until such time that a person lives with you in the same home and you wake up with them every single day. These home issues are rather insidious as there is no way of predicting what they are and yet, it can lead you to break up—even within just the first couple of months. If you are married, this might mean you have to resort to a nasty divorce settlement whereas living together would only mean moving out.
It gives you an idea of what married life will be like
More often than not, couples would hastily get hitched under the premise that marriage is all bliss and euphoria without paying any heed to the potential issues that may arise. Unfortunately, marriages do not always mean happy endings or perfect romances. At times, the truth is harsher and there is really no perfect life after marriage. After all, marriage is mostly about teamwork and working with each other which means moving together towards resolving your issues. Living together gives you a firsthand insight of the kind of partner your significant other would be in the long haul. It keeps your reality in check and gives you an idea whether or not you can survive to live with them forever.
Cheaper cost of living
Living separately means that both of you would be paying higher rent. More importantly, you will have expenses such as gas payments, groceries, insurance, phone and internet bills which when split into two, could really add up by a lot. Living together under one roof means that you can simply split your expenses into two. Furthermore, you would have an easier time budgeting for your needs since more often than not, the both of you would be pooling your finances and figuring out what goes which and the like. In this regard, you would be able to save by a whole lot and the monthly rental payment would be shouldered by the both of you.
It is a test, but a worthwhile one
Most couples are afraid to live together because they are afraid it might be the reason they would break up. We are not going to mince words here and say that living together will test your relationship and at the same time, would test both of you as individuals. It will show you what the boundaries of your relationship are and would let you know the kind of person you are looking to spend a lifetime with. Remember, if you cannot live together, then to simply put it: you should not live together. After all, would you really want to find out you cannot live with your partner for eternity only after you have tied the knot? Better to know early so that you can save yourself the potential heartbreak as well as the hefty litigation fees.
Photo by Charles DeLoye
The transition from high school to college is a weird time for children. For one, it’s their first taste of adulthood. Selecting the educational institution they want to spend their four years is one of the significant decisions that can affect the course of their life. The second decision lies in the course they will take.
Though you might not get a say in these two things, it is still your duty as a parent to support them. Some parents get a condo in Pasig, so their child doesn’t have to spend hours on travel. Others accompany their kid while sitting on their admissions test in Manila. As a parent, these are the ways you can show you support your child’s decisions. Here’s how.
1. Express your enthusiasm over their choice
Your child will be faced with endless options starting from the college or university that he or she plans on attending. Understand that this is your child’s choice. Feel free to offer your insights and opinion if your child consults you but know that your child will be the one to make the final decision. The best you can do is to gently point out the things that your child will have to consider before making his or her choice. If your child is bent on a decision, then you should be happy for him or her. It shows his or her determination on pursuing the goal he or she set for herself/himself.
2. Research on different educational plans and institutions
Although the decisions should ultimately come from your child, you can help him make an informed one by researching with him. Learn as what you can about the environment and culture associated with a particular university so that your child is ready to be immersed in it. Also, you should look into different financial grants especially if you know that your child qualifies. A lot of college applicants aren’t aware of scholarships and college financial aids. You can save your child from student loans by ensuring you secure your source of finances.
3. Maintain communication
Whether your child will still be living with you, staying in a dormitory or you plan on getting a condo in Manila, you should maintain the communication lines open. Your child is sure to encounter a myriad of changes before coursework, and other requirements can become daunting. It’s vital that your child knows that he or she can go to you for anything. Regularly check on your child on how he or she is doing. Allow him or her to vent about his or her experiences.
4. Allow your child to practice independence
Be confident knowing that you raised a responsible child. Allow him or her to make decisions on how to live his or her life while in a dorm or a condo unit in Metro Manila. Try not to keep your child on a tight leash and learn to let go. Let him or her to enjoy this phase of his or her life. You should enjoy your new found freedom too.
5. Inspire him or her to join extracurricular activities
Volunteering, joining the student council, being on the debate club or learning to play an instrument are some of the things that improve your child’s college application paper. Your child may not have the ideal GPA in high school, but having activities on the side can boost your child’s confidence during admissions interviews. Even before he or she steps in college, he or she should have events on the side. You can inspire him or her to find her passion early on by joining different activities together. You can try out different sports, enroll in classes, or volunteer in your community. When children see that the person they admire are doing things they haven’t tried, then they are likely to do them as well.
6. Make progress based on their pace
Each person has a specific pace. Your child might be staring at the TV while looking chill when he or she still hasn’t finished filling out the forms. It might tempt you to nag them, but it wouldn’t help ease the pressure of getting the college of their dreams. Instead of nagging them, you should spend quality time with them. Invite him or her for a walk. Get iced coffee at his favorite cafe. Catch up. It doesn’t always have to be about their career options. You should also see how they are doing now and then.
7. Get a coach
Though your child might seem like he or she has under control, it can be the opposite. Most of the time, they are unsure of what they’re doing. They aren’t confident of their options. They are worried if they picked the wrong course. They are anxious about the looming deadline for college applications. Often, these things are out of your hands. Therefore, you should consider getting some help. Hiring a coach can help your child build confidence and feel more prepared to face what’s in store for them in college.
8. Discuss expectations and experiences but don’t poison them
Before letting your child free of your grasp, you must first have some heart-to-heart talk. It allows you to impart your expectations of your child’s performance. You can also use this to share the experiences you had when you were in college, but it doesn’t mean you should poison them. You shouldn’t fill their thoughts of outdated notions on what’s it like to be on campus, traditional college application process, and test taking.
The best thing you can do as their parent is to support their dreams. Allow your child to find their purpose and contribute to society. Though getting a degree is not always part of the vision, you should make them understand the difference between making decisions when you have achieved higher education over those that did not.
Photo by Mathyas Kurmann
Whether you’re in a new suburban neighborhood or recently moved in your new condo, you can feel more at home when you know the people than when you don’t. Staying aloof and keeping to yourself might work when you were a kid, but it won’t be the same once you turn into an adult. You have to get along with your neighbors to ensure you live in a peaceful community.
You might find it easy to get along with a bunch of people. Meanwhile, you might find some people in your community won’t warm up to so easily. Sometimes you have to conjure a few tricks from your sleeves to make them open up to you. If you have a hard time being friendly with the neighbors, here are ten things you can do to become their friend.
1. Be the first one to say hello
When new in a place, first impression matters. You should always be the one to wave and give a friendly smile. It doesn’t matter if you’re tired from carrying boxes. You should appear welcoming and open for small talk. It makes people think you’re friendly.
2. Schedule a time for exploring the community
You won’t meet people by staying indoors all the time. You also get a chance of catching up with others while walking their dogs, tending to their gardens or lounging in their patio. Take daily morning or evening walks to meet new friends. You can ask your neighbors about local restaurants, dog-friendly parks, and community events. Asking about garbage collection is schedule is another way to break the ice.
3. Go old-school
Try the traditional route and bring some gifts when you visit your neighbor. Some communities still offer housewarming gifts to new families in the neighborhood. If someone does bring you something, you should return the favor. You can bake a batch of cookies using your mom’s secret recipe. But if you don’t have a knack for baking, then you can opt for local pastries near Ardia Vermosa.
4. Give out compliments
Always be a giver. If offering some goodies is stretching it too far, then you should hand out compliments. Marveling at your neighbor’s new paint job, well-maintained lawn, or the design of their home is free. You can easily get at thumbs up when you are generous with compliments. The next time you bump into the couple next door, you should try commenting on how great their blooms are.
5. Exchange numbers
Giving your phone number or home landline is a sign of trust. It means you’re letting the person be part of your inner circle. It also means your placing your neighbor in the list of emergency contacts you have. It’s now easy to invite their family over the next time you plan to have a mini celebration. Most of all, you’ll know who to call once your pet gets out of your backyard.
6. Make plans
Improving your relationship with people doesn’t end. Talking to them now and then is great, but you have to go out and do activities eventually. Grabbing a cup of coffee or a few rounds of beer are some things you can do to connect with them. If you want to get to know the people on your block without having to invite them one by one, then you should set up a housewarming party. It’s fun, and it brings people together. It also helps you get to know the people in your neighborhood without feeling pressured about it.
7. Find out who’s nearby
If you’re relocating to a different community, you should look for a friendly face in the neighborhood. You can look into your social networks to find out who’s nearby. Your school’s alumni association, church group, and other organizations you belong are some of the places you can look for friends and associates who might be in the same neighborhood as you are.
8. Discover shared interests
Similar to other relationships in your life, there’s bound to be common interest that you and your neighbor both enjoy. It might be a passion for home decor, gardening, or triathlons. Whatever it is, you can use it to bond over and build your relationship. If they have kids the same age as yours, you can schedule a playdate. If not, you can always tag along to his or her weekly sessions at the gym or favorite nail salon.
9. Visit popular communal areas
There’s bound to be an area where your neighbors frequent. Some people spend their weekends at the clubhouse. Others set up a meeting point at the jogging trail. It can also be the tennis courts or the park near the city center. You should spend time in these places, so you could chance upon your neighbors. Bring a book to read, walk your dog, or take your family to strike a conversation with people you only see when you throw the trash.
10. Deliver mail personally
If you live in an apartment, there’s a chance their letter gets mixed up with yours. You should take advantage of this opportunity. Knock to their door and introduce yourself. It might seem logical to slip the mail under their door or leave their letter in the mailbox. But if your goal is to make some friends, then you should go ahead and deliver their mail personally.
Making friends with your neighbor is not as difficult as you think. As long as you don’t let your awkwardness and shyness get in the way, you’ll be fine. In time, you’ll learn to enjoy the company of your neighbors and the people around you.